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November 2009

Love story-Rajiv Gandhi and Sonia Gandhi

I get surprised by people’s hell-bent opinion about Love or Arrange Marriage. Every human being gets thrilled when he/she encounters a love story, that’s because everyone can relate to it, but again its subjective. There are fantastic classic love stories that are spread across the world, to name few
  1. Romeo & Juliet:- 16th century, English, Immortalized in shakespeare’s Play
  2. Peter Abelard and Heloise:- 12th Century, French. They married secretly,  Abelard uncle (Heloise)found out & had Peter castrated. They already had a son by then, separated by families & the church, she joined a convent & he become a monk. They love letters still exists.
  3. Shah Jahan & Arjumand Bann Begum:- 17th Century, Indian. He built Taj Mahal in Arjumnad Bann Begum’s memeory. She died at the age of 39 after giving birth to their 14th Child.

These love stories are still thought, enacted or told to someone across the globe. But India is extraordinary in its own way. Indian People feel the wedded bliss lies only in hallowed institution of “ARRANGE MARRIAGE”. The most appreciated theme for marriage is arranged one. They portrait the cons of arrange marriage in such a way that you feel in love marriage, you are not getting married to human but rather to a stone –which is capable of running everything that you have earned in life till date. That could be Money, peace (I don’t understand which family has peace, but still let’s consider peace for this blog), relationship, position in society, you would end up been laughed or most talked topic among your Family & friend. I feel any publicity is better be it bad or good. If the marriage is inter-religion, then Bhagavan, Allah, Jesus, Gurunanak even if all decide to run for your help, you will not be spared- u would still need help from galaxy.  They still look at love-marriage-couples with raised eyebrows for their unfaithful deed. For better or worse, we get married, some go through arranged  & few through love marriage, but the end result is same i.e you are screwed. I have come across many people in & around my society, who still feel love marriages are not meant for our society. They feel it’s a westernized form of getting married (Thank god my parents are not among this gang). They have such a big abhorrence for love marriage that they over look the emotional downturn their child would face. The biggest challenge for parents is acceptability in society. For this, Parents will ensure apart from your expectations, rest match the Colum is done. The  horoscope are matched, family background, Goddess they worship, if there is a slight change in the traditions then which one is better, Education (according to them), Family status etc.

All the above mentioned love stories are heard & transmitted to further generation. One Love story in my opinion is eternal that too in Indian Society, can’t believe correct!!!!!!. Sadly the media has not commercialized it or they would not be given the power to commercialize. According to me it’s Rajiv Gandhi & Sonia Maino.  It’s not a legendary love story but a tough one…..and high on my priority list.

Sonia Mino was born & brought up in the Italy, raised as Roman Catholic. She meet Rajiv Gandhi at Cambridge University.

Sonia and Rajiv Gandhi

Their courtship lasted 3 years & then they decided to get married. I feel the need to get in to Rajiv Gandhi’s brain for that period, did he misunderstand his home town for some reason? Did he forget he is from India and not USA. Ha…..Think he had a temporary memory loss.

He had enough reasons to decide against her rather than in her favor. So what if the courtship was for 3 years, break-ups is not a new thing to world. People break away 10 years of relationship, marriage, run away from their responsibility.

He would have decided to call off the courtship, which is a normal trend across world. Youngster fall in love and suddenly one day out of the blue, they get the wisdom about ill effects of love marriage. It would have been easy for Rajiv Gandhi to follow the trend……..but he did something against all odds. He married Sonia Mino. I can give my take as why we would have ended their relationship.

1) The stakes were too high. Knowing India & been from a Political background, he would have realized his act would ruin the political carrier of his mother. Indian people have a tendency to vote for anything that is traditional……or which represents their culture.

2) Incase if Indira Gandhi didn’t agree? Indian people have a habit of saying,”All celebrities are used to cross-culture, they can do anything for fame” If that was true ideally Indira Gandhi should have married her son to a village girl instead of a westernized one. That would have got her lot of vote.

3) India’s divorce rate is v less as compared to Italy. For Indians all white people belong to the same country & they have a higher divorce rate. What if after certain period, Sonia Gandhi would command a divorce? It would have spoiled Rajiv Gandhi’s political carrier.

rajiv-and-sonia-gandhi-during-wedding-with-indira-gandhi

Sonia Gandhi managed all her odds very well. She managed to stay in the marriage, gracefully inherited the political carrier which she didn’t wanted to with 2 major heart burns (death of her mother-in-law & husband).I strongly feel Rajiv Gandhi’s huge contribution in aligning Sonia Gandhi in Indian Culture, yet maintaining her own identity.

She might have not encountered  a Hindu-culture in her vicinity during  her up-bringing. Yet she did manage well to settle down in the culture. The way she carries herself with the 6-yard Saree is seamless. How many Indian politicians have you seen wearing a Saree so gracefully? None in my opinion…..

After assassination of Mother-in-law & Rajiv Gandhi, average women would have left this country. She lost her husband to a country which is not her’s, that too for a reason which is beyond her understanding. Because she married to a Man from different religion, left her hometown, got customized to his culture, and here her husband gets assissinated for a religion issue.

What worse can India give her? But she still serves the same country , striving a better future of the country men.

She represents women’s strength to forgive, except & go ahead with time. I appreciate her dedication to her caste till date & to give her children a blend of both cultures. A person’s caste cannot be changed because he/she is born with it. She has done what was accepted out of her & this can only be possible by a person who is great by her deeds.

Forget about likes and dislikes. They are of no consequence. Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness but it is greatness.”

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6 Ways to reach Andheri

6 ways to reach andheri

 Have you ever wondered how much time we spend in traveling? For a simple reason right from Childhood I have a strong Loathe towards andheri—its not a place for humans. You simply can’t stay here, more than that you can’t come to work here. Its Law of nature -the more you avoid a thing, the more chances of you bumping into it. I was forced to undertake a job in Andheri, thanks to the virtual recession that hit India. One of the reasons contributing towards my abhorrence for andheri is its accessibility!!!!!. It’s so crowded that it’s impossible to reach anywhere in Andheri within 15 min’s, provided you are not walking to the next building. Another factor that aggregates my repugnance is the auto-rickshawala’s. If you are among those who have been to Andheri will agree, every auto-rickshawala in andheri is on a marathon race. Reaching andheri is like trying to run in opposite direction to the marathon group, obviously you will face hurdles—that too SHARK size!!!!. I have discovered 6 ways to reach andheri from New Bombay (as I have been put up in new Bombay from ages) Ever since I remember, I have stayed in New Mumbai to be specific in Belapur. I have heard many of my colleagues referring New Bombay as rest of Maharashtra. All these 6 ways take a toll on your health & pocket. Let me elaborate all these 6 ways for you. I work for a company which is situated opposite seepz. So my focus route is from New Bombay to Andheri seepz .

1) Knee-surgery way: – You can drive down to Andheri from C.B.D. via mankurud or Koperkharine. You would feel blessed if you have purchased a diesel version of your car while traveling through this route. This route takes a toll on your knees & pocket as well. Knees because practically you have to drive your car at gear 1 with periodic halts & stand still position for about ½ an hour to 45 mins. The maximum credit for this goes to our government as the IIT powai route is always under repair, as if the World Bank has put a clause to India while sanctioning the loan, that money would land in India only if IIT powai route is under repair. So practically you car doesn’t move, & if there are 4 people sitting in your car then it would be convenient to lift your car & walk down rather than drive it.

2) Shock absorbing route:-I am not very found of traveling by bus & the reason is the jerk that a person has to absorb due to our very unhealthy roads. I feel I have become a jerk absorber. This route is the longest & to top up the cake the cherry is the probability of arrival of the bus on time. You will have to take a Bus till Bandra & then change a different bus for andheri, as there is no direct Bus till andheri from New Bombay.The complexity is tooooo huge, hence I avoid this route. But I guess people who want to practice Samadhi can undergo this route.  WHY???? Well cox in Samadhi you cant move any organ of your body, similarly u hardly get any space to move yourself while travelling through bus. The only difference between the natural Samadhi & the Bus samadhi is people do natural samadhi by choose & the later part is forced.

3) Obligation way:- This is the one of the  loooonnnngest route to reach andheri, you need to take a train from New Bombay to Wadala & then from Wadala to Andheri station(as there are very few direct trains from New Bombay to andheri). The time required for to & fro journey is approximately 6 hours. You get such a plenty of time that you can do yoga, meditation, soul searching, practice the presentation that is due for office, knit a sweater (I have seen most of the local passengers do that), shop for latest trend in earnings-bands-bracelets that is sold in the local train, Clean your vegetables, get irritated & fight with fellow travelers etc. Who says Bombay people don’t get time for themselves, whoever says that ask them to travel from New Bombay till andheri—they won’t ever dare to complain about time in life. 

From andheri station you can catch a rick till seepz. This  part is the most difficult one, the willingness of any autowala to go towards andheri seepz is NIL. Now a bit of staistics u need to remb, in Andheri the probability of a rickshaw agreeing to take you to SEEPZ is 12:1. I fail to understand why there is such a big apprehension between these autowalas to drive towards Seepz. You cant buy him with extra money neither you can beg him. You can only be obliged to him for the curtsey shown towards you for dropping till Seepz (andheri).

4) Lung damage way:-  Other alternative is to catch a train till Kurla & then take a rick till Andheri. This is the fastest route to reach Andheri. But if you travel by this route for approximately 4 months you will develop dust allergy— The pollution is so high in this zone that you get confused whether you are in a city or are caught in a cyclone. This unique route makes you forgot the smell or fragrance of your deo or perfume. The quality of people on Kurla station or the locality nearby Kurla station is so impressive that u forget your own fragrance as the fragrance gets coupled up with the surrounding. I want you to remind, Kurla is very much the same place where you get a glimpse of all hut houses while landing in Mumbai. Even on this route you have a challenge to get a rick from Kural to andheri.You asks them for your destination & they will neither nod NO nor YES. You have to assume that they have heard your voice & decided not to proceed. I really fail to understand as where these guys are headed to? It’s been my experience,I require minimum 15 to 20 minutes to get a rick to my designated location during the peak hour & that too after begging to least 10 of them. Trust me I have never taken so many NO’s in a row from anyone as its a matter of great humiliation, that too to a preety girl like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5) Sleep disorder way:- By great difficulty I figured out a direct way to reach home. There is a private bus service started by Mr.Chandreshekar – Which has several pick  & drop points on the route from Belpaur to Andheri Seepz. You can get in touch with him on 9323851653 (I should get paid for the free advertisement I do on his behalf). I have become a free brand Ambassidor for him, men I wouldnt be suprised if I find myself giving away those small papaer outlets on kurla station mentioning his collaterals.I understand the insainty a Andheri Traveler faces, hence i want to reach out to as many people as possible.I usually get this but at about 6:45 & it reaches my destination by 8:30 PM. Its literally a 1 & ½ an hour shock absorber + Lung damage route. You cant practically do anything, but people like me who are talkative can finish off all the talking over the phone with the rest of the world. Apart from talking you can doze off—i.e if you are a person who can go off to sleep in crowd. You get a decent nap of 1 & ½ an hour which would disturb your night sleep cycle. By the time you reach home you are so fresh that you don’t hit bed on your usual time hence the cycle gets disturbed. Once you get used to this, you would feel sleepy at the same time on week-end days as well.

6) My Fav- pocket expenditure way :- And the last option is to catch a train till Chembur & then pick a rick till Andheri. I just love this route. It has no hazardus effect on your health, you can comfortably land at chembur station without much struggle. Its relatively very easy to get a rick. The traffic is less on the road. But its dam expensive, but I guess everything has a price. . “Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”—quote by Leon Jospeh Cardinal Suenens. I am ready to pay the price………..

Letting go of a relationship

 Letting  go of a relationship.

The most difficult phase in anybody’s life is to let go a relationship which you have cherished for long. But many of us have to deal with it at some way or the other. If you don’t put effort or fight back the situation then you would be like a small leaf in the flow of the current. Where you just have to flow with the water rather than decide for yourself. The most important thing why some people can’t let go of a relationship is the HURT it has caused. They can’t let go the HURT. It’s human tendency to remember   the worst  & forget the good part of any existence on the earth. I feel hurt is something which can be described as:-

H:– Its Him everywhere. You remember him everywhere, not matter where you go you take him along virtually. The whole world is painted with his colors, he would have loved this food, he would have liked this color on me, this shirt would look good on him,  what would he be doing at this point in time. You can’t stop thinking about him. U would end up talking about him ( Your ex)  to as many people as possible, girls have this special bonding to connect whenever they have slightest opportunity  to cry. Whenever you start thinking about him, punish yourself. Be hard on yourself, you will get result .you will realizes your life is less complex without him.You don’t have to question your ability when he is not around, you can be yourself.

U– It’s all about U . You feel your relationship was much better than other relationship around you, try to recall all the relationships around you—u  would realize every relationship is unique-hence its special-yours was no exception. U had a relationship, emphasizes on the word had. Do whatever it takes to ensure yourself that you would be fine without him. Remember you meant world to him at some point in time, so u have that punch in you.. U had thought to spend life with him, age with him,  fight on new car model that you would buy together, book flat together, cook for him, have kids , discuss on the traits your kid have acquired respectively from both of you & the most important thing you would be recognized as his wife & then the list goes on …… this cannot be achieved now. You fear that you will not fall for any guy, but there would be someone in life at some phase who would love to do all the above listed things with you. Do u think you will not fall  for that guy who would probably give something which your ex couldn’t?. But you need to ensure, the next guy is worth the effort, once failed is a human-twice failed is a fool. You will again mean world to someone else as well  in much more better way.

R– He didn’t Reciprocate your feelings, everybody feels they have put in the maximum contribution in the relationship & the other person didn’t reciprocate the feelings. I feel at the end of the day what counts is how many such feeling did u have rather than none. Cox if you have such feelings than probably you have put in the maximum effort from your side. My relationship is 80% perfect, if he changes for the 20% —we would achieve that 100% state for both of us. You would think why doesn’t he feel the effort to put in that 20%, why am I putting the rest 80%? Why doesn’t he feel the need to put that effort to make it work, I find my friend minta say this statement very often, “ we have only 1 life, we should spend it with the person for whom we are willing to put that 20%  effort”. Assure yourself he was not meant to be with you cox he was not willing to put in that extra effort to make your relationship work.

T– You don’t  Trust anyone else with the same degree of love, kindness & comfort. The most obvious feeling that you get is “why I am sharing his space with someone else”—but realize that your ex- has created this space so that someone else fits in there. He obviously dumped you cox he witness a better future with someone else.  I always feel people don’t get out of there broken relationship is because of their comfort zone. You become so comfortable with your ex-boyfriend’s behavior & tantrums that you don’t want to put the same effort in some other person because you are scared that history might repeat itself.  But you have to remind yourself periodically that history is supposed to be referred not to be repeated…….It’s like your own recipe book, where you remind yourself of the past mistake you did while cooking-so that you don’t repeat it.

Finally, don’t try to bind the broken relationship cox its like a mountain made up of ice, if you once break it –you cannot re-build it. At the end of the day you still feel he would make it to your door with big flowers in the hand &   say,” forgot what happened let’s start refresh” – you have to remind yourself that dream is the subset of sleep & not of reality.  Remember your failures, they will provide strength to make better choices in the future.

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