Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.
An arhaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her
Marriage is a wonderful invention, then again, so is bicycle kit.
My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.”
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
I fell in love at first sight… I should have looked twice.
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
When I married MR. RIGHT, I didn’t know his first name was ALWAYS!
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman – And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!
If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.