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Pradnyadeshmukh8's Blog

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July 2014

Choice of citizenship:- India or UK?

I had to make one of the toughest decisions as a mother, to deliver my daughter in India or in England? For most of the Indians the answers was obvious, but for me it was other way around.
‘’something is very wrong with you’’ said one of my relative when I landed in Mumbai. This is not the 1st time I have heard those remarks.

‘’Your daughter would have got citizenship, why did you come back?’’, ‘’you are not a good mother’’, ‘’She would be local for her higher studies which is better than India’’, ‘’it’s a better country to stay’’, ‘’Apparently she could go to USA, New Zealand, Australia, any European countries for studies/ job without ever worrying about visa, opportunity would have been limitless’’. Apart from these, few gossip around the town and relative atmosphere, ‘’she is too young to realize her mistake’’, ‘’my grandson resides in London and speaks such a fluent English’’, ‘’ Her husband wouldn’t have agreed, looks like it-Everything can’t be expressed, poor girl is taking blame on her’’ –anybody who knows me in person will never agree to this. Poor girl….no way!!!! There were list of other comments which I don’t want to include for the sake of complexity. The only person who didn’t ever question me was: my mom.

YES, I agree vipra (my daughter) would have had all the above stated comments:- Limitless opportunities with citizenship and a life in developed country. People have been telling me to stay in the land of meadows and harry potter and Victorian culture- in a tone as if it’s really a general rule to live outside India (If you get visa there). In UK vipra would have got me free medical benefits even if she is not its citizen, free education that too in a mile of her parents postcode, 2 earning parents who adore her with (we almost earn 4 times of what we would earn in India), a Victorian style apartment with few British friends.

But who said I wanted to give her all this and on contrary I wanted to her to live what her parents what thy could afford in India. Not because I hate her but love her immensely. Despite all the apparent advantages of a developed country why India.

My answer was simple:- Its is where my dreams, aspirations came true with hard work, dedication and love, immense love from friends and family. But it’s not to say India is a safer choice. If anything it’s the more difficult one to make. Times are hard for dreamers, especially in a country with too many people but so little resources to spare.

But that’s exactly what’s pushing us to strive. Contentment comes easy. But I do not want her to live for contentment. Neither do Indians.

In England, a lot of people stay in their counties and go by never getting to see London, to try and make it there. Here, young people from India are moving to England every chance they get. Stories of boys and girls from small towns making it happen in the city are unfolding every day.
Because perseverance is what we’re made of.

It’s in our DNA. We are hard-wired to always try and seek better opportunities.

Our system is problematic. That has been known for a long time now. But allow me to use a rhetoric that celebrates the fact that we strive to defy the odds. How did we do it? Because we said we would and we said we can. We dreamed and made it happen. I want her to experience all this and make her own choices with the difficulties that surround it. She has to earn it with rather than making it available to her.

There are a million others like me, who will one day have the choice to leave the country. They should; some would. I am not closing my doors too. All I am saying is EARN IT.
So to all my relatives, my daughter will have a fun-filled, healthy and prosperous life in India if she chose to be there or else she will make it happen somewhere else in the world. Be assured.

My Journey (in & out) of Pregnancy

With a healed clavicle fracture (a plate rod and 8 screws in me) and a month away from flying to India for in-laws 60th celebration along with an offer letter for most awaited post; I received a conformation from doc about my pregnancy.

Doc restricted my air travel because of my 1st pregnancy. So there I was in a city that I barely knew with a husband who had no idea about pregnancy along with a bad weather. So I asked Vishal (my husband) would I be allowed to fly after 1st 3 months ? Yes: was his and doc’s answer. So basically this ruled out the option of getting mom, mother-in-law or nanny to Ipswich. The visa processing would take approximately 2 months, it didn’t solve the purpose. I geared up mentally: I have to take care of myself only for 3 MONTHS. That’s it, and then it’s all over to mom & Mother-in-law.

To prepare ourselves, we ordered the Book, ‘’what to expect when accepting’’, my bible/bagvadgita/Koran during my pregnancy period. Did Google research about what to eat, exercise, meals, mood swings, nausea, and all other related articles, understood and ready with a game plan?
Game plan was:- Vishal would cook every night, I would prepare breakfast and lunch was sorted out to my friend. We stuffed the fridge with fresh fruits, oats bar, green vegetables, flavoured milks, all kinds of nuts and biscuits. Keeping in mind the advice form M&M (Mother & mother-in-law). So in between whenever I was hungry this would suffice. All this preparation was done within 2 days.

The speed with the game plan was made it trembled with that speed, I started to nausea and vomiting right from morning 4 till 4 pm in the evening. I not only had food/fluid vomits but also blood vomits. I vomited everywhere, the car park, Sainsbury, costa, friends bathroom, streets, in the car, you name a place in Ipswich and i had it covered. We did meet our GP and realised that if I missed my food timings I would vomit. So I had to follow a strict food meals time, by nature I am pretty acidic hence the consequences. The blood was from rupture of my throat from excessive vomiting rather than from stomach: which was good news. I hadn’t hurt the baby.

The biggest solace was my mum on skype 24 by 7. I would lay there speaking nothing and she watched me over skype, there have been countless incidence where I fell asleep over her over skype session and woke me up by phone to eat something (keeping in mind the time to prepare it) She shared so many quick healthy recipes which were great to the throat and tummy. Soon it was time for my 1st scan and time to fly to India. Scan was beautiful; all my fears were put to bay after seeing vipra healthy and fine. This was the time to fly like a free bird to India.

Vishal’s project demanded couple of more days: his career was far more important than we being in ipsiwch for one more month. We had managed in the worst; so this was payback time. I soon realised in the 5th month scan the gender of my kid. It was a girl, it had to be. From the time I was pregnant I somehow knew…….Vishal always wanted a girl. So the payback time was for shopping, there are so many cute cuddly things to buy for girls .I had become more mobile and was available to enjoy outside weather, shopping, chatting with friends & family. Days were filled with months and with each passing month I was more eager to be in India. Finally we flew on my 27th week (which is the last cut off week to fly) with Kingfisher airlines. They pampered me with flowers, fresh fruits and constant reminder to walk the aisle for better circulation. In way it was towards preparing me for all the attention I was about to get in India.

Finally with my big tummy and a little girl inside my womb we arrived safely to Mumbai sharapati international Airport.
pregnant-lady

And my heart breaks to million Pieces…..

Aee , aee ,aee…..pillu, pillu coming….(converted to adult language-mom, mom, mom, vipra is coming to you, where r u?) My daughter prefers to call herself pillu(small, tinny in Marathi language). This is everyday questions asked in half sleep, looking towards the closed door behind my back .My husband comforts her by saying; come to dad, mom has to go to office….she hugs him and cuddles down to sleep, peacefully.

and my heart breaks to million pieces….

Nanny takes over, I leave for office. Briefing her about the day’s menu, classes she needs to attend, cloths laid out for her to be worn etc. Usually nanny sends 3 to 4 videos via watsup to ease my day out at office. Its typical Wednesday, 1st half of the day with back to back meetings as this is the day my boos enlightens the office with this presences. Its dance session for vipra, she loves these sessions, as I was mentally going through her whereabouts I get a buzz –a video from my nanny. I play the video and see vipra in her beautiful Pink skirt jumping and trying to dance and suddenly she notices nanny filming her….and she says ‘’Aee,aee pillu pillu coming’’

and my heart breaks to million pieces….

Picture 574

She takes a nap and has her early evening snacks, it time for her to go nearby ½ an hour A,B,C group for toddlers. Nanny makes her fav snack and purses her to come along. As my nanny starts filming her, she give a nice pose in the below video and she knows this video has to reach my mommy. She insist my nanny to take a photograph. I see this video

and my heart breaks to million pieces….

Finally my day is over with a hurried lunch at desk and limiting socialization in office, I hurry at catch scheduled train. Following my series of calls, I give a final follow-up call to my nanny before I get in underground to check on vipra, British weather being favourable (summer) -they both are playing in the park. Vipra has taken her pram,as she likes carrying these days.Looks pretty in this yellow top. It matches per personality. Picture 501 She enjoys slides, all ways:- sliding on stomach, climbing against gravitational force, sliding on the back facing head first(this is scary). She senses my call to nanny and says ’Aee,aee pillu, pillu coming’’

and my heart breaks to million pieces….

I walk out of the underground; my body language illustrates my impatience and aggressiveness to paddle across the crowd to reach home early. I have to catch the connecting train, which to my surprise is delayed by 10mins. In a scenario, to getting dressed up 10mins pass by like swap but while waiting for train 10mins are like literally 10mins. I look around the platform to kill my time and see other fellow mothers wanting & eager to reach home. The women in killer dress is organizing princess lolly pops, the Chinese women is probably doing a video chat with her little one-I see her playing peek-a-boo with the phone, the beautifully breaded hair women is knitting a small sweater – I like the colour –purple, in the middle of this I call nanny to inform her of my delay. She sighs and says its ok and I shouldn’t worry. Vipra knows my arrival time, she senses it’s my call and I hear in background. ’Aee,aee pillu pillu coming’’

and my heart breaks to million pieces….

Finally I reach home. World war IV done, we have a park outside our apartment. I see her playing favourably and enjoying herself. I shout out her name and she looks at me, with those bright beautiful eyes and ear to ear smile on her face as she comes running toward me. The best moment of the day, god freezes it here. I keep saying to her loudly, ‘’vipra vipra, aee coming’’. She give me a understood smile, saying I understand you mom. I hug her and we head home for a delightful evening saying bye to nanny.

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