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4th time turn around…..still thinking

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Everybody’s life goes through ups and down. Mine specially very too often.I always think to my self, does the current situation manifest overnight or i have been doing wrong this long? The answer is always around the corner but never to clear.Its not that i dont have the courage to change my life around but its the lack of understanding of how to do it.Even though i do have some pretty good experience to back up my CV on this….

1st life turn around :- I had to do it with lot of HARD WORK

I was a happy 12th class teenage girl dreaming about doing my graduation from one of the  esteemed collage in Mumbai. Been born and brought there, my soul resides in that city. Destiny had a different story to open in front of me. I was packed to hometown Gulbarga-12 hours from mumbai for Engg in Electrical and Electronics.The place is small , people are still pretty conservative with hardly any fashion sense.The decision taken was due to my grandpa’s deteriorating Diabetic and alzheimer’s condition.He was very attached to Gulbarga and any action taken would have adverse effect on him, this was the advice given by the docs.It was a platform change for me, the professors thought in a very different English accent and there was different parking for the gender in School with little interaction between them.So this took a toll on me and i could not clear my 1st year of engg with 5 subject below the pass marks.The constant doc attention to grandpa and my own settling issues contributed to the situation.But i turned around my life. I passed all the subject with 80%+and did pretty good there after.Strategy was-WORK Hard. I studied for hours and was prepared even before exam times so that even if grandpa’s condition worsened during exam time it wouldn’t effect my result.

2nd turn around:- Leap of faith

Its here in Enng i meet love of my life. It wasn’t attraction in 1st sight. But his presence made me comfortable in total unknown place.I would connect with me mentally and he understood my issues as he hailed from outside too. As it more often termed as outsiders, we both found solace in each other(me little more).Once we completed graduation, differences started effecting  us.Its so strange these so called ”difference” make the basis of your relationship and after few days they act against your relationship.The best part of our relationship was we took each others advice with complete trust. But then these so called difference did their magic and we drifted apart.I couldn’t lift myself, lost my job.Did usually stupid things after break up and just couldn’t let it go….then i took a Leap of faith and let it go with open arms.Life is so simple in one way and yet can seem so hard and terrifying in another.I pushed myself in a uncomfortable space to create change and build the new conditions that lead me to a new life.

3rd turn around:- It all about me-Self respect.

It took me a while to find love again. I am so lucky to have second chance.I was actually coming to peace to be content with where i was at life.However, it feels pretty different from the times that I tried to pretend I was really okay with being single when I wasn’t -because, just when you are content with your singleness, that’s when Mr. Right comes along, right? So we meet and feel in love and got married.It was pretty easy to settle with him even in new city with new challenges.But it all seemed worth while ( i hope it stays that way for rest of my life) .You’d think by now I would have learned that life is never how it’s “supposed to be”, but I still keep expecting it to go a certain course.3 years of blissful marriage and i was blessed with a supercute gril-Vipra. That’s when i moved in with my inlaws and i assumed that i would settle down as planned?Truthfully, there’s a part of me that did assume it would. But it didn’t go as planned. There were various dynamics to the situation and it become worse, even after all trying to float together. Apparently I still have a lot to learn about patience. All i did was started demanding respect for me and my husband and things started falling in place.After a struggle of 1 year all is up and running. All the lines are drawn and everybody involved abides to that line.

4th turn around:-  ( I am still figuring it out what should it be this time…)

I suffered a horrible allergy due to which doc had to prescribe steroids.It looks like i have hyper reactive allergy towards Citric.Now citric is every where..lime,septrellis, juice etc, you practically breath citric.Due to steroids i have put on 16kgs more. Even after pregnancy i would shed off the weight within 8 months, but this time the weight is pretty stubborn.My lung capacity is drooped and doc has advised not to exercise.Just-light walking. The barbie wouldn’t loose few gms from walking let alone the steroids weight i have gained.I some how managed to knock down the 6 kgs with diet. Now the remaining 10kgs wont go……its as stubborn as British weather. I had to resign my job, i am lethargic due to the condition.I see my daughter full of energy and a supportive husband,i go weak in my knees.I need to do something about this situation…….i am trying hard to figure that out.I cant sit at home without working and contributing to my daughter’s future.On second thought i am happy to spend time with her and watch her grow everyday.But i need to get on tracks …be healthy and working. Thats just me….so still thinking hard about how to turn my life around 4th time…i am sure i will sooner or later find a way out……

But to reach the goal( the goal is to shed 10ks) i have made new definition A new definition of who you are brings new possibilities and a new vision of what you deserve and want for your life. Once you can see these new possibilities you can decide what you now want to experience. This is a clear concise vision of what you desire to create for yourself that is markedly different from what you have been experiencing. You must see and believe in a completely new you so that life can harmonize with this vision.I am gone try this till i fail or succeed…

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Something is missing in me……

Have you ever come across this thought? This thought has crossed my mind million times in last 15 years.Its not specific about anything but  just general.

When ever i re-evaluate my life i start getting this feeling.Something is missing in me to make it through in a better way…..ironically what is ” missing in me”’ is unknown to me.That amuses me periodically.When I know something is missing than how come i don’t know what it is….When i don’t know what’s missing than how can I ever find it.When ever i see someone more successful in any area i start getting this feeling.Let me recite when i get this feeling:-

Someone might have got a good job than me,got a promotion over me (What the hell—what’s wrong with me?????), someone has cooked the same recipe better than me (she borrowed my family recipe and made it better, what did i miss), someone drives seamless as compared to me, someone is more content with little less than what I have in life, perfect body shape and size, more athletic than me,more cheerful, more thoughtful, more humanity with little less to offer, better constructive thinking in more despair situations,more affective,more self-disciplined, self-less than me,optimistic, comfortable with what they have and what  they cant have in life, more matured, more settle is reacting over unpleasant experience and the list is endless.More than anything i envy people who have more energy and enthusiasm than me…..these 2 things unlocks most important experience in life.

Than once in a while when i sip into my hot chocolate during early morning while experiencing the morning bliss given by nature, I realize that something missing in me (which i am unknown of) has brought me through.This ”something missing” has made me stand out and contributed to be me. Has highlighted me in capital bold and underlined me(as we usually do to highlight a statement—ctrl b+ctrl u)

What ever I have done or achieved in life is because there is something in me to succeed the way I want. In search of finding and developing the missing factor in me has manifested in many ways.It has driven me to be a better human being. I have understood the difference between more successful person and myself is the TRY.Try to be someone better than i am. In this search of making myself a better person i unknowing, sub-consciously override the missing factor in me.As far as I know that’s all that matters

Love story-Rajiv Gandhi and Sonia Gandhi

I get surprised by people’s hell-bent opinion about Love or Arrange Marriage. Every human being gets thrilled when he/she encounters a love story, that’s because everyone can relate to it, but again its subjective. There are fantastic classic love stories that are spread across the world, to name few
  1. Romeo & Juliet:- 16th century, English, Immortalized in shakespeare’s Play
  2. Peter Abelard and Heloise:- 12th Century, French. They married secretly,  Abelard uncle (Heloise)found out & had Peter castrated. They already had a son by then, separated by families & the church, she joined a convent & he become a monk. They love letters still exists.
  3. Shah Jahan & Arjumand Bann Begum:- 17th Century, Indian. He built Taj Mahal in Arjumnad Bann Begum’s memeory. She died at the age of 39 after giving birth to their 14th Child.

These love stories are still thought, enacted or told to someone across the globe. But India is extraordinary in its own way. Indian People feel the wedded bliss lies only in hallowed institution of “ARRANGE MARRIAGE”. The most appreciated theme for marriage is arranged one. They portrait the cons of arrange marriage in such a way that you feel in love marriage, you are not getting married to human but rather to a stone –which is capable of running everything that you have earned in life till date. That could be Money, peace (I don’t understand which family has peace, but still let’s consider peace for this blog), relationship, position in society, you would end up been laughed or most talked topic among your Family & friend. I feel any publicity is better be it bad or good. If the marriage is inter-religion, then Bhagavan, Allah, Jesus, Gurunanak even if all decide to run for your help, you will not be spared- u would still need help from galaxy.  They still look at love-marriage-couples with raised eyebrows for their unfaithful deed. For better or worse, we get married, some go through arranged  & few through love marriage, but the end result is same i.e you are screwed. I have come across many people in & around my society, who still feel love marriages are not meant for our society. They feel it’s a westernized form of getting married (Thank god my parents are not among this gang). They have such a big abhorrence for love marriage that they over look the emotional downturn their child would face. The biggest challenge for parents is acceptability in society. For this, Parents will ensure apart from your expectations, rest match the Colum is done. The  horoscope are matched, family background, Goddess they worship, if there is a slight change in the traditions then which one is better, Education (according to them), Family status etc.

All the above mentioned love stories are heard & transmitted to further generation. One Love story in my opinion is eternal that too in Indian Society, can’t believe correct!!!!!!. Sadly the media has not commercialized it or they would not be given the power to commercialize. According to me it’s Rajiv Gandhi & Sonia Maino.  It’s not a legendary love story but a tough one…..and high on my priority list.

Sonia Mino was born & brought up in the Italy, raised as Roman Catholic. She meet Rajiv Gandhi at Cambridge University.

Sonia and Rajiv Gandhi

Their courtship lasted 3 years & then they decided to get married. I feel the need to get in to Rajiv Gandhi’s brain for that period, did he misunderstand his home town for some reason? Did he forget he is from India and not USA. Ha…..Think he had a temporary memory loss.

He had enough reasons to decide against her rather than in her favor. So what if the courtship was for 3 years, break-ups is not a new thing to world. People break away 10 years of relationship, marriage, run away from their responsibility.

He would have decided to call off the courtship, which is a normal trend across world. Youngster fall in love and suddenly one day out of the blue, they get the wisdom about ill effects of love marriage. It would have been easy for Rajiv Gandhi to follow the trend……..but he did something against all odds. He married Sonia Mino. I can give my take as why we would have ended their relationship.

1) The stakes were too high. Knowing India & been from a Political background, he would have realized his act would ruin the political carrier of his mother. Indian people have a tendency to vote for anything that is traditional……or which represents their culture.

2) Incase if Indira Gandhi didn’t agree? Indian people have a habit of saying,”All celebrities are used to cross-culture, they can do anything for fame” If that was true ideally Indira Gandhi should have married her son to a village girl instead of a westernized one. That would have got her lot of vote.

3) India’s divorce rate is v less as compared to Italy. For Indians all white people belong to the same country & they have a higher divorce rate. What if after certain period, Sonia Gandhi would command a divorce? It would have spoiled Rajiv Gandhi’s political carrier.

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Sonia Gandhi managed all her odds very well. She managed to stay in the marriage, gracefully inherited the political carrier which she didn’t wanted to with 2 major heart burns (death of her mother-in-law & husband).I strongly feel Rajiv Gandhi’s huge contribution in aligning Sonia Gandhi in Indian Culture, yet maintaining her own identity.

She might have not encountered  a Hindu-culture in her vicinity during  her up-bringing. Yet she did manage well to settle down in the culture. The way she carries herself with the 6-yard Saree is seamless. How many Indian politicians have you seen wearing a Saree so gracefully? None in my opinion…..

After assassination of Mother-in-law & Rajiv Gandhi, average women would have left this country. She lost her husband to a country which is not her’s, that too for a reason which is beyond her understanding. Because she married to a Man from different religion, left her hometown, got customized to his culture, and here her husband gets assissinated for a religion issue.

What worse can India give her? But she still serves the same country , striving a better future of the country men.

She represents women’s strength to forgive, except & go ahead with time. I appreciate her dedication to her caste till date & to give her children a blend of both cultures. A person’s caste cannot be changed because he/she is born with it. She has done what was accepted out of her & this can only be possible by a person who is great by her deeds.

Forget about likes and dislikes. They are of no consequence. Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness but it is greatness.”

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