A letter to my mom.

Dear mom & Dad,

Thank you for staying with us for 6 months, I know it hasn’t been easy on us. Even though I haven’t said it loud but I cherished the moment’s v shared together. I really hope form bottom of my life we get more opportunities to stay together and if I see any more, be rest assured I will grab it with both of my hands.

Thank you for giving unconditional love to vipra, you know she is not among the easy one to trust anybody. But she does treats you like her own mom. That couldn’t have happened if your stay be short than 6 months. She knows who her grandparents her and what it feels to be loved. Even though she is just 4year old but she understands. You can imagine the way she tells she does not like me addressing you my mother, instead hers. This statement tells you everything you have given her……love, care, discipline and trust. On the basis you know vipra is strong willed child, nobody can influence or make decision for her. I am truly blessed to have a mother like you, I may not mention this verbally often. You have that magic that touches everybody life’s.

Mothers are always seen as the strong ones, the ones who protect their daughters from all danger and heartbreaks. All my life (and probably most your life) you have been watching over me attentively. Sometimes (rarely) I happily accept your advice, most of the time I reply with a glare or a grunt. I know I don’t say this enough. I want to be you. I want to be the mother my vipra can look up to. The cool mom that always looks glamorous in front of her schoolmates. The mother who teaches her daughter how to talk to others.  I have discovered long ago what I want to be. I want to be a mother a daughter can be proud of, just like you.I hope vipra is proud of me like I am of you someday…..when that happens I will truly felicitate you in real senses. But with this goal I release the challenges in had thrown in your path.I guess it gods way to make you realize human values.

As I end this letter, I want you to know how badly I will miss you. I don’t really know what it is Mom; all I know is that I miss you. I don’t miss the suffering that you were going through, but I do miss everything about you. You never really know the extent of “a mother’s love,” until one day you wake up and realize that you will never get to experience it again. I miss your soothing touch, your loving spirit, your strength, and your guidance. You see “a mother’s love,” is something that can never be replicated so no matter how strong the support system around me, and no matter how much love I receive from anyone else I don’t think I will ever experience or witness what you gave me. It’s like an addict that will always be searching for that first “high,” again, but not knowing that it’s virtually impossible to ever get that high again, so he consistently indulges, holding on to nothing more than…hope.

Don’t get me wrong Mom….you raised me #RIGHT! You raised me to be strong and you prepared me mentally for life without you. Mom I just wish you would have prepared me for the emotional void that I am experiencing right now. More important once I come back form india. Vipra, me & vishal will miss you both way too much. Lastly I wanted to apologize for small arguments with dad. I know I would have avoided few of them.Will try to remember this in future and improve. Please forgive me for my mistakes.

Lots of love, pradnya

4th time turn around…..still thinking

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Everybody’s life goes through ups and down. Mine specially very too often.I always think to my self, does the current situation manifest overnight or i have been doing wrong this long? The answer is always around the corner but never to clear.Its not that i dont have the courage to change my life around but its the lack of understanding of how to do it.Even though i do have some pretty good experience to back up my CV on this….

1st life turn around :- I had to do it with lot of HARD WORK

I was a happy 12th class teenage girl dreaming about doing my graduation from one of the  esteemed collage in Mumbai. Been born and brought there, my soul resides in that city. Destiny had a different story to open in front of me. I was packed to hometown Gulbarga-12 hours from mumbai for Engg in Electrical and Electronics.The place is small , people are still pretty conservative with hardly any fashion sense.The decision taken was due to my grandpa’s deteriorating Diabetic and alzheimer’s condition.He was very attached to Gulbarga and any action taken would have adverse effect on him, this was the advice given by the docs.It was a platform change for me, the professors thought in a very different English accent and there was different parking for the gender in School with little interaction between them.So this took a toll on me and i could not clear my 1st year of engg with 5 subject below the pass marks.The constant doc attention to grandpa and my own settling issues contributed to the situation.But i turned around my life. I passed all the subject with 80%+and did pretty good there after.Strategy was-WORK Hard. I studied for hours and was prepared even before exam times so that even if grandpa’s condition worsened during exam time it wouldn’t effect my result.

2nd turn around:- Leap of faith

Its here in Enng i meet love of my life. It wasn’t attraction in 1st sight. But his presence made me comfortable in total unknown place.I would connect with me mentally and he understood my issues as he hailed from outside too. As it more often termed as outsiders, we both found solace in each other(me little more).Once we completed graduation, differences started effecting  us.Its so strange these so called ”difference” make the basis of your relationship and after few days they act against your relationship.The best part of our relationship was we took each others advice with complete trust. But then these so called difference did their magic and we drifted apart.I couldn’t lift myself, lost my job.Did usually stupid things after break up and just couldn’t let it go….then i took a Leap of faith and let it go with open arms.Life is so simple in one way and yet can seem so hard and terrifying in another.I pushed myself in a uncomfortable space to create change and build the new conditions that lead me to a new life.

3rd turn around:- It all about me-Self respect.

It took me a while to find love again. I am so lucky to have second chance.I was actually coming to peace to be content with where i was at life.However, it feels pretty different from the times that I tried to pretend I was really okay with being single when I wasn’t -because, just when you are content with your singleness, that’s when Mr. Right comes along, right? So we meet and feel in love and got married.It was pretty easy to settle with him even in new city with new challenges.But it all seemed worth while ( i hope it stays that way for rest of my life) .You’d think by now I would have learned that life is never how it’s “supposed to be”, but I still keep expecting it to go a certain course.3 years of blissful marriage and i was blessed with a supercute gril-Vipra. That’s when i moved in with my inlaws and i assumed that i would settle down as planned?Truthfully, there’s a part of me that did assume it would. But it didn’t go as planned. There were various dynamics to the situation and it become worse, even after all trying to float together. Apparently I still have a lot to learn about patience. All i did was started demanding respect for me and my husband and things started falling in place.After a struggle of 1 year all is up and running. All the lines are drawn and everybody involved abides to that line.

4th turn around:-  ( I am still figuring it out what should it be this time…)

I suffered a horrible allergy due to which doc had to prescribe steroids.It looks like i have hyper reactive allergy towards Citric.Now citric is every where..lime,septrellis, juice etc, you practically breath citric.Due to steroids i have put on 16kgs more. Even after pregnancy i would shed off the weight within 8 months, but this time the weight is pretty stubborn.My lung capacity is drooped and doc has advised not to exercise.Just-light walking. The barbie wouldn’t loose few gms from walking let alone the steroids weight i have gained.I some how managed to knock down the 6 kgs with diet. Now the remaining 10kgs wont go……its as stubborn as British weather. I had to resign my job, i am lethargic due to the condition.I see my daughter full of energy and a supportive husband,i go weak in my knees.I need to do something about this situation…….i am trying hard to figure that out.I cant sit at home without working and contributing to my daughter’s future.On second thought i am happy to spend time with her and watch her grow everyday.But i need to get on tracks …be healthy and working. Thats just me….so still thinking hard about how to turn my life around 4th time…i am sure i will sooner or later find a way out……

But to reach the goal( the goal is to shed 10ks) i have made new definition A new definition of who you are brings new possibilities and a new vision of what you deserve and want for your life. Once you can see these new possibilities you can decide what you now want to experience. This is a clear concise vision of what you desire to create for yourself that is markedly different from what you have been experiencing. You must see and believe in a completely new you so that life can harmonize with this vision.I am gone try this till i fail or succeed…

 

2nd birthday

Vipra’s birthday have to be special and planned as per her wish and fancy. I have always believed in fun filled, good food birthday parties. I should have been a event planner….Its the celebration of your child gorwing and more then anything love vipra’s patience, dedication and happiness when she sees her fav cahracerters taking shape. As a child she is very naughty, every obejct/ physical shape in our house has been touched, experienced and tested for pressure.She would bang anything and witness the result, with time she has undertsood that every physical shape will withstand certain pressure. So these days, she startes with applying little, extended to maximum pressure to a object and see the result. Exception are bithday decorations, she loves them so they stay without been tested. If these objects had soul, they must be envying the birthday decorations.

Its the month of the year when my daughter turns into new year-Birthday. Her birthday puts me in enromous pressure for simple reson to organize it.My husband’s thought, i shoudlnt stress out so much for organizing it. My thoughts: its only initally years where i can host her birthday parties, once she is about 7 or 8 she woudl prefer to have it in her way, her style and the way she wants it.Birthdays have always been my soft spot. I like celebrating birthdays laveshly,

For her second birthday, i asked her which cake she needs. Her response was Peppa Pig, the longest craze she had or still has. Spiderman,thomas train, waybuloo (second longest craze), mickey mouse have been passing phases. They are there for few days and forgoteen. But peepa pig is special..its been with her for quite a long time. I knew her asnwer but better to check, so the cake was decided and so was the theme-Peepa Pig. Her friend list finalised, 10 families.

Leeds Castle- timeline observation

Wednesday 29th Sep 2010,11 am: Revati calls up, ”pradnya would you like to join tomorrow for a  pinic to Leeds Castle?”.

Me reply:”- Sure,y not”. Revathy is one of my friend currently we are exploring Uk together.

Wednesday 29th Set 2010, 12am:- Vishal(husband) calls me up, i inform him about my next day travel. Being a protective husband he is reluctant to my travel.Anything that requires little extra effort from my side, he is always reluctant. (cant blame the poor soul—I have a fractured collar bone, which is why i am v sensitives to jerks). But i am in a mood to get my point through and argue with him for travel, he had no choice than to permit me as he knows my enthusiasm for travel and to explore new locations. Most important he doesnt like visiting castle, so its better he is not around other wise wouldn’t get much time to explore.

Thursday 30th Sep 2010, we were suposse to report at the reporting point by 6:45am. As usual, for some unknown reason, inspite of getting up by 4:45am, i was running late.

7.10 am :- reached the reporting point.

7:15am:- we started

7:20am:- I was apologizing revati for my delay, poor soul had to pretend to forgive me.Mode of travel was by bus, the moment i entered the bus-i realized we were approximately more than 30 females ready  to explore the Castle.

9:10am:- We approach the castle and here is the beautiful top view of the castle.No wonder any king or queen would fight to live in this beauty.I love history and this is one of my fav castle.Think to re-visit with vipra again.

Pisa-my 1st city in our Europe trip

After a months of speculation and excitement about our europe trip we finally reached a concise to travel the cities. Pisa was the 1st start city in our europe trip.Its a city in Tuscany, central Italy.Although pisa is known worldwide for its leaning tower of, the city contains more than 20 historic churches.We had planed a single day trip to pisa.Reached pisa station on the morning at started the day out.

We went to the tourist information cell and got the information that we required.It was told to us the leaning tower of pisa is walking distance from the station….appro 20 mins walk, while exploring the city. It was a good way to see the city.

We saw this santa maria della spine church on our way to leaning tower of pisa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I observed the city people extensively used bicycle to commute… saw college girls, house wifes, professional even party going crowd riding a bicycle….strange but interesting.

Its a clean city with narrow roads.

Reached the leaning tower of pisa……the 1st look.This famous bell tower, the so-called Leaning Tower of Pisa, inclines 21 feet out of plumb at the top–the result of uneven settling of the foundation.

Pisa (bell tower) is situated behind the cathedral.This Romanesque cathedral was built at a time when Pisa was one of the most powerful maritime centers in Italy. The complex follows the early Christian pattern of separate structures for the church, baptistry, and bell tower, all of which are unified by the use of similar stone and the design.

We purchased our monument of the pisa tower, had a lunch  and started to walk towards the pisa central station. Our train was scheduled for our next destination.

 

Second and third Month birthday:Memory lane

It took little practice, paitence and preservance to adjust to being new mom.The second month of being new mom comes complete with roller coaster of emotions, steep learning curve and challenges of every kind.Second month babaies become little demanding as compared to 1st month. This month saw few highlights

—Naming cermony was scheduled on 7h may 2012. your name was finalized after 6 month of speculation and debate with family members.2 shortlisted names were nysa and vipra.nysa didnt go well with her personality hence vipra won.Too many peope and too much exhaustion was norm of the day.you co-operated well…. couldn’t tolerate fancy dress cloth, the moment i changed you in a simple cotton dress–your screams and cries vanished.Biggest highlight was- i changed your diaper, even though it wasnt the time.Looking ahead in the function i knew i will be pretty busy. So changed it in advance, a good strategy right. But you pooed on my new saree….in middle of the function……some how i managed to over-shadow the effect.Lesson learnt, never do things in advance.

—For 2weeks  in a row you were awake in the night from 2:30am till 6:30am in the morning….making me, my mom and granny tired and exhausted. None of us even tried to put her to sleep as she plays so well. Laughs at something that is bright.

—The 1st colour that she has started to recognize is RED.Moving red bus in mumbai, red curtains,red tv at her paediatric room.

—you will be a chatter as you like people talking to you.

Straight from heart…

My dear daughter,

It seems like yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital, and now you are my little angle. Your father and I were very nervous at the prospect of being first time parents It did not strike us until you arrived – and then it hit us.I must say, i fit into the mother role pretty fast.But I was overwhelmed by this new responsibility. To care for this tiny life for the rest of my life! Was I ready for it?

It took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that I was a mother and was going to be one forever. But today after 1 year and almost 3 months of looking back, I cannot help but smile. It is a feeling of fulfillment beyond words. Although I am still not sure if I am a great mother, I feel that I have done some justice to the role.

Every milestone of yours was a kind of personal victory for me. Your first smile, your first word, your first step…. I was just amazed and once again overwhelmed at what a little miracle you are.

As the months have passed things started to get very challenging and sometimes I found myself in very difficult situations. The mess you made, the tantrums you threw, and the other millions of naughty things you did really stressed me out. I have agonised over many of the decisions I had to make when it came to discipline. I have had many arguments with your dad. But in time we learnt to parent as a team. We still have our differences of opinion but have learned to listen to each other.Yesterday, we had been to a vision express—to give a fresh order for my specs. You have sucessfully trown 2 specs that i previously owned. I was so watchful over you and few seconds i tried few frames, you smashed your middle finger(left hand) with a wodden plank. You cried for almost an hour and i was feeling terrbile for not been extra watchful over you. I know the pain when must have gone through sorry for that…..

I have learnt so much from you and will continue to do so for the years to come. You have a million dollar smile.You can win anybody with your smile. when you grow up and have boyfriend they will tell you this…take it form me.  How to forgive, how to love unconditionally, how not to expect anything in return, how to be innocent, how to enjoy the small things in life, how to be carefree…. The list is endless…. Thank you! You have made my life worthwhile! God bless you!Its so pleasure to watch you grow.

Love u always,

Mom

New friendship

It was one of the moment where v said, “v should catch up more” & departed to our homes thinking, what great guys,v should seriously catch up more.Next day morning- life came up with new surprises & yesterday’s feeling were long forgotten.

Days turned into weeks & weeks in month.we stay like stone throw distance from each other, still never thought of formally/informally meeting each other.though the thought lingered….

I am referring here friendship between 3 families:unique in every way & common in mindset.Time decided to put an end to our procastination game & Mrs Agarwal decided to throw a chritmas party for her son.destiny played his part & there v were at her house introducing ourself in most uncommon yet friendly way.my context here as most uncommon way is:v peaked into each other’s personality. our aspirations ,desire,wish list,drawbacks,funny side.lucky everybody has a funny bone in them.

The introduction session went on till midnight & there v decided to catch up more often (this time everybody’s brain neurons & emotions where in sync).so I decided to call everybody home for dinner.time & date was set.we were all eager to meet & laugh out souls out.

As predicted the evening was wonderful with food, games, laughter & drinks(not much).we saw each other as individuals rather then couples.We discussed each others dreams & do v really have wings to achieve them? Gave insight & laughed at them.you don’t get  such friendship  planned and v were fortunate enough to achieve it unplanned.By end of the night v decided to visit an European country together.

It was dhwani’s turn to invite us, note that it was not mandate.Dhwani is a person who likes to settle down score that too soon.the meet at her place was much rather much informal.we criticized each other for outrageous current decisions in life.we revisited each other goals & gave “parent like opinion”.parent like opinion as per my dictionary is: you say yes or no, there is no middle way.we finalised our destination, that was like icing on the cake.With lot of back & froth,lengthy decisions in busy schedule- v are on a our way to prague in March.finally what a sigh of relief……

Now guess v will not decide & meet but rather meet to catch up

 

 

 

Things running across my mind

Multiple things running across my mind….